I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize