Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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