Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
