idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
