and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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