you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
