He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
