Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
