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I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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