So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
