I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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