I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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