thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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