so that wasnt chicken after all
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
