I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
