Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
