I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
