we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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