I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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