he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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