I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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