he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
