He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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