i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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