I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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