TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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