Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
