i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
