Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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