Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
