if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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