you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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