GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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