So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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