shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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