Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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