Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
