I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
