I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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