I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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