There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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