I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
