He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You took a bar mat shot.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
