Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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