pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
