Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
