I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
