Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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