Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
