My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I think weed is turning my hair brown
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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