listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
