i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
