I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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