She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
