4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
