I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
