We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
