youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
