im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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