I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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