the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize
