no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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