went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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